I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
