you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
