Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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