Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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