I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
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You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
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No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.