I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
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You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
So. Much. Porn.
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