I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?