we're chasing vodka with high fives
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
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Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
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Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window