he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.