Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
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It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
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Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.