Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.

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  (732): my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum. http://tfl.nu/6d6p
  Replies (37) Good night (888) Bad night (9255)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother

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  (806): Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother http://tfl.nu/jjym
  Replies (7) Good night (2911) Bad night (1526)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.

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  (301): chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING. http://tfl.nu/oa1d
  Replies (37) Good night (970) Bad night (5515)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.

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  (908): I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool. http://tfl.nu/5y98
  Replies (13) Good night (2176) Bad night (3970)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.

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  (484): They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again. http://tfl.nu/d9r7
  Replies (10) Good night (1354) Bad night (4277)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.

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  (504): Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later. http://tfl.nu/kqj9
  Replies (9) Good night (1704) Bad night (1456)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne

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  (360): last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne http://tfl.nu/35hl
  Replies (8) Good night (2397) Bad night (579)
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  (310): View more from California

  Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).

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  (310): Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok). http://tfl.nu/yawu
  Replies (2) Good night (973) Bad night (429)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.

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  (212): Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing. http://tfl.nu/bv2c
  Replies (1) Good night (661) Bad night (355)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit

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  (907): who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit http://tfl.nu/vaby
  Replies (4) Good night (743) Bad night (500)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.

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  (404): I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight. (843): Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back? (404): I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me. http://tfl.nu/tm5b
  Replies (2) Good night (490) Bad night (716)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.

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  (802): Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks. http://tfl.nu/vsd9
  Replies (3) Good night (776) Bad night (375)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.

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  (864): Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement. http://tfl.nu/mb59
  Replies (8) Good night (652) Bad night (359)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.

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  (718): Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday. http://tfl.nu/4crp
  Replies (2) Good night (526) Bad night (179)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides

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  (303): I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides http://tfl.nu/l3y7
  Replies (4) Good night (577) Bad night (167)

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