Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?