Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
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"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
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Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone