some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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