So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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