she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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