That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
