I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
