He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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