used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
