remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize