I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
