Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
