We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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