real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
