Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
