I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
