11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
