Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she peed on how many people?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
