There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
