dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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