Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
