K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
