Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
