You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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