saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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