Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
how does that bad decision feel?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
