Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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