You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize