At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
