You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
