Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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