Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
