So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
