The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
