she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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