just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
