If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
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That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
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I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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