i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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