dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
