i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
