Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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