Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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