Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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