Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
