I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
