i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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