Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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