What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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