Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
