it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
