I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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