The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
