I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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