So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
