According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
