Apparently you make a good broom.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
