just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
